Vanessa’s Story
I remember really distinctly the day our whole world shifted. I look back on photos of our pregnancy announcement and I hold the people in that photo so tenderly: my husband, daughter, and I all so thrilled to be welcoming a new baby with no idea what was to come.
I was exactly 12 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. It was almost imperceptible at first and continued to worsen over the coming weeks. I visited my doctor's office three times before being diagnosed with placenta previa at 15 weeks. At the time, I was assured that there was really nothing to be worried about because "95% of previas move on their own". I went to the ER at 16 weeks as my bleeding had significantly increased and I was told then by the ER doctor that previas that bleed can be quite dangerous to the pregnant person and the baby. At our anatomy scan, I was diagnosed with oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid) and it was subsequently determined that the 7+ weeks of extensive bleeding had caused a small rupture on the amniotic sac. At 21 weeks, I was admitted to the University of Iowa Hospital to "wait out" the remainder of my pregnancy with the hope of getting to at least 27 weeks when the rate of survival would significantly increase. When I was 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I suffered a cord prolapse and was rushed into an emergency c-section. When I woke up from surgery I was informed that we had a beautiful baby girl. Vanessa Drew was born alive on December 17, 2018, and proved to be heck of a fighter. For the first few hours, our outlook seemed hopeful. She was responding well to interventions and I started to let myself believe that we would take her home someday. But our optimistic outlook was short-lived as she began to decline shortly after 10 p.m. on her birthday. Our sweet girl died in her daddy's arms just shortly after 1 a.m. on December 18th, 2018.
I spent a long time recovering, both physically and emotionally, from our experience and the loss of our daughter. I think I am still on that journey almost 5 years later and after having our third daughter in December of 2021. The pain and heartbreak don't go away, you just learn to carry the weight of it differently. What I needed at the time was someone to walk alongside me through the grief, darkness, shame, and unknown that followed after losing a child. I needed someone to tell me that someday I'd be "ok" even if being ok would look completely different than it had before. It is my unique privilege to provide that care to families through Walk With You and a beautiful way to honor the legacy of our daughter.
-Sarah Lohse
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